The pre-show panel is Charly Caruso, Jerry Lawler, Booker T, JBL, and Peter Rosenberg.
They ran down tonight’s card. The women’s tag title match is indeed happening on the pre-show, and the WWE title match is opening the main show.
Carmella was shown applying makeup backstage. She admonished Reginald. He apologized and said he wouldn’t mess up again.
Sonya Deville joined the panel. She thought it was evolutionary that Sasha Banks beat Reginald a few weeks ago. Booker thought anyone could beat him. Deville picked Carmella to beat Banks. They explained to Booker what a sommelier was and he responded, “he’s an alcoholic,” which was very funny.
There was a (sponsored) feature on Bianca Belair. She wanted to eliminate Bayley and win the Royal Rumble.
Caruso noted that only 13 women have declared for the Rumble so far. Natalya will be entrant number 30. She did an emotional promo (on her Instagram) saying she would win the match.
R-Truth showed up at the panel dressed as Elmer Fudd because he knew Bugs Bunny was here to perform “Booker T.”
Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler defeated Women’s Champion Asuka & Charlotte Flair to win the Women’s Tag Team Championships (10:34)
Thumbs In The Middle Pointing Up
Asuka and Charlotte were in control for the first few minutes until the heels managed to work over Asuka. Asuka came back with strikes and a Codebreaker on Jax for two (after Charlotte was knocked off the apron). Asuka managed to powerbomb Jax off the turnbuckles but Baszler broke up the cover.
Asuka fought off Baszler but Jax caught her with a sit-out powerbomb and Charlotte broke up the cover. Charlotte tagged in and hit Baszler with chops, an exploder suplex, and a backbreaker. Charlotte gave both opponents Natural Selection at the same time and covered Baszler for a nearfall.
They yanked Charlotte from the top, Jax gave her a Samoan drop and Baszler followed with a knee strike for two. Asuka gave Jax a hip attack on the outside but Baszler tossed her over the announce desk. Charlotte then took out both opponents with a moonsault to the outside. (She sort of just landed between them and they fell down.)
Ric Flair came out to his music at this point and Baszler used the distraction to apply a schoolboy for two. Charlotte kicked out and also chased Lacy Evans off the apron. Evans broke up a Figure Eight (the referee didn't notice) so Charlotte knocked her down.
As Ric distracted the ref, Evans punched Charlotte (with brass knuckles or something on her hand) and Jax followed with a leg drop for the pinfall win. Jax and Baszler are the new champs.
Asuka checked on Charlotte as Ric happily boasted with Evans.
This match was going along just fine until the finishing sequence.
ROYAL RUMBLE MAIN SHOW
There was a massive fireworks display after the intro.
Drew McIntyre defeated Goldberg to retain the WWE Championship (2:33)
Thumbs Up & Thumbs In The Middle Pointing Up
That's how good this was. I marked out a geek at a live event and even applauded when Drew won
Goldberg entered as they played loud chants. They played a 3-minute video package after he hit the ring.
McIntyre headbutted and speared Goldberg before the match began (after the intros). Goldberg responded by chucking him into the steel steps and spearing him through the barricade. McIntyre sold his ribs as he shrugged off the ref and got back in the ring. He told the ref to ring the damn bell.
Goldberg tried to go after him but McIntyre immediately hit him with the Claymore kick for a quick nearfall. (Tom Phillips said Brock Lesnar was the only other man to kick out of the Claymore.) Goldberg ducked another Claymore attempt and hit consecutive spears for two.
Goldberg followed with a jackhammer for a nearfall.
McIntyre dodged a spear attempt and hit a Claymore for the pinfall win. McIntyre retains.
After the match, Goldberg told Drew that he passed the test. They shook hands and embraced. Goldberg raised his hand. (McIntyre laughed as Goldberg was hunched over, presumably gassed. He patted Goldberg on the back before he left.)
Sasha Banks defeated Carmella (w/Reginald) to retain the Smackdown Women’s Championship (10:22)
Banks did a quick interview before the match where she said she was ready for whatever tricks Carmella and Reginald had planned and was ready for the Rumble winner.
There was a spot where Carmella tried Banks’ hair in the bottom rope and stomped away at her. Banks drove her into the corner and hit a double knee strike for two. Banks tried the three amigos but Carmella blocked the third suplex and tossed her into the Reginald. Reginald caught Banks so she took him down with a leg scissors. The ref kicked him out.
Carmella used the slight distraction to hit a suicide dive. (Carmella landed awkwardly but she was fine.) Carmella tossed Banks into the ring for a two.
Banks hit a suplex but Carmella got her knees up on a frog splash attempt. Carmella applied the Code of Silence but Banks slipped out and hit a knee strike. Banks tried something off the top but Carmella hit consecutive superkicks for two.
Banks suddenly caught her in the crossface for the submission
Big E and Xavier Woods were backstage. Big E asked Woods if he got his ass beat by Retribution this week and last week. Woods said yes, and they beat his ass one other time too. Big E said tonight was their chance to change their wrestling lives forever.
Sami Zayn interrupted them (with his documentary crew). He talked crap until Kofi Kingston jumped in with a loud noise and made Zayn jump. They laughed at Zayn and Woods said, “all jokes aside.” Zayn thought he had more to say, but Woods pushed him aside and said, “all jokes aside.” Zayn left.
Kingston said he couldn’t compete but wanted to be there because when one of them wins the Rumble, they all win the Rumble. This was fun.
Bad Bunny performed “Booker T” with Booker on stage. Booker said his catchphrase at the end.
Bianca Belair Won The 2021 WWE Women's Royal Rumble
Bailey came out at #1 and made sure to tell us she's not winning by challenging Michael Cole if she won
#3 Bianca Belair
#4 Billie Kay (Byron doesn't watch Smackdown. He didn't know that the Riott Squad kicked her out)
#5 Shotzi Blackheart (From NXT)
No eliminations yet
#6 Shayna Baszler (Charlotte Eliminated her last year to win)
#7 Toni Storm (From NXT)(😏😉😋😘)looking so correct
Shayna Eliminated Shotzi Blackheart
#8 Jillian (who teamed up Billie Kay)
#9 Ruby Riott (Billie & Jillian tried to team up with Ruby)
#11 Peyton Royce (The IIconics reunited and teamed briefly before being cut off)
#12 Santana Garrett (NXT)(Thank God!!! I thought it was gonna be Santina Marella)
#13 Liv Morgan
Alright there's too many people
Billie Kay Eliminated Jillian
The Riott Squad Eliminated Billie Kay
#14 Rhea Ripley (NXT)
Shayna Eliminated Victoria
Rhea Eliminated Santana Garrett
Jerry Lawler agrees with me that Charlotte is a heel
I believe Peyton eliminated Ruby
#15 Charlotte Flair
#16 Dana Brooke
Peyton Royce eliminated Liv Morgan
#17 Torrie Wilson
Rhea Eliminated Dana Brooke (thats 3 eliminations) (Earlier she eliminated Toni Storm)
#18 Lacey Evans
Charlotte eliminated Peyton
Shayna eliminated Torrie Wilson
#19 Mickie James
Bianca Eliminated Bailey at same time
#20 Nikki Cross who is no longer Irish but is not a country western
#21 Alicia Foxx
#22 Mandy Rose
At same Alicia pinned R-Truth to win the 24/7 Championship
Mandy Rose eliminated Alicia Foxx who lost the 24/7 title to R-Truth
Her reign was 2mins 5secs
#23 Dakotw Kai (NXT)
Lacey Eliminated Mickie James
#24 Carmella with fuckin Reginald
Rhea Ripley eliminated Dakota Kai and Mandy Rose (5th Elimations for Rhea)
Carmella eliminated Nikki Cross
She knocked Reginald tf out
Who I guess is a heel now. She came out all serious like and went after Rhea Ripley
#27 Alexa Bliss .......this bitch, but she's babyface?
Rhea Ripley eliminated Alexa Bliss before she can do her magical bullshit. That's my girl (6th elimination)
#28 Ember Moon (NXT) who still exists
#29 Nia Jax who teamed up with Shayna
They eliminated Naomi, Tamina, Ember
Nia eliminated Shayna
Who eliminated Lana who eliminated Nia
Bianca eliminated Natayla
Bianca & Rhea eliminated Charlotte
7th elimination for Rhea
Down to 2
the final 2 are usually the 2 favorites
Bianca eliminated Rhea to win
Sucks to be Rhea
She dedicated it to her husband and her parent and said she'll put the EST in wr(EST)lemania
Miz & Morrison were bothering Bad Bunny
to setup Booker T bitching out Miz and saying the tired ass "Tell me you didn't just say that"
Booker is a WWE hof/"legend" so that means he has to be a parody of himself instead of just himself.
Peter Rosenburg pinned R-Truth in a very suggestive way to win the 24/7 championship. Corey Graves made a David Arquette joke while JBL & Sonya Deville
recited scripted verbiage that wasn't funny but was supposed to be.
Last Man Standing Match for the Universal Championship: Roman Reigns (w/Paul Heyman) defeated Kevin Owens to retain
Thumbs In The Middle Pointing Down
Reigns hit a superman punch less than 30 seconds into the match but Owens got up by a 3 count. Owens hit a pop-up powerbomb and Reigns was up by a count of 4. Reigns speared Owens less than 2 minutes into the match (outside the ring) but Owens was up by a count of 7.
Reigns attacked Owens with the steel steps. Owens came back with a superkick. Owens hit Reigns with the steps and wanted to try a dive off a platform but Reigns poked him in the eye. Reigns attacked Owens with a steel chair. Owens fought back and attacked Reigns’ legs with the chair. Reigns fought back with the chair but Owens responded with a stunner.
Owens made his way through the back toward a ring set up in the outfield at Tropicana. Reigns ran him over with a cart (Owens crashed through the plexiglass windshield of the cart). Owens got up at 9 but Reigns clobbered away at him.
Owens tackled Reigns and hammered away at him before giving him a pop-up powerbomb ontop of a random announce table. (Again, they’re “backstage,” not around ringside.) Owens then hit a frog splash through the table. Owens got up at 6, Reigns got up at 9. Owens hit Reigns with a small ladder.
Owens got into a fork left and lifted the platform as high as it could go before hitting a senton through a table. This was pretty spectacular. They actually piped in “holy shit” chants (with “shit” somewhat edited). Reigns barely got up at 9.
Reigns was bleeding. Owens grabbed him and said, “Whose blood is that on your face, huh? It’s not mine! That’s tribal blood!”
They were back on the stage. Reigns got up at 9 before hitting Owens with a superman punch. Reigns speared Owens through the video boards on the stage. Reigns got up fairly quickly but Owens rolled off the stage onto his feet at 9.
Reigns had handcuffs wrapped around his fist and hammered away at Owens. Reigns tried to handcuff Owens but Owens came back with a stunner. Owens used the handcuffs to hammer away at Reigns before cuffing him to a staging rig.
Reigns couldn’t get up and Owens was seemingly about to win, but at the 9 count, Reigns grabbed the ref and tossed him into the steel rigging. Reigns also low-blowed Owens.
Heyman tried unlocking the cuffs for Reigns as a new ref watched. Reigns locked Owens into a guillotine choke. Reigns got up after choking out Owens. Owens was counted out. Reigns won.
This was a really good match but I didn’t like the ending. Owens wasn’t really doing anything while Heyman helped Reigns and fell into the choke too easily.
Fell apart at the end
Edge Won The 2021 Men's Royal Rumble Match
#1 Edge (Micheal said Edge just couldn't wait. That's why he is #1. STFU)
#2 Randy Orton
Edge rushed the ramp and an awesome brawl ensued
#3 Sami Zayn
Who went against his fellow canadian to help Randy
#4 Mustafa Ali making it 3on1 against Edge
#5 Jeff Hardy fought of the heels
Randy Orton rkoed everyone except Edge who got speared him
#6 Dolph Ziggler who eliminated Jeff Hardy
The refs can't just cherry pick when to break up wild brawls amd attacks. This is a match....tf?
#7 Shinsuke Nakamura
#8 Carlito (I guess)
Ali & Nakamura pretty much gave him their backs to take his finish the backstabber
#9 Xavier Woods
Randy Sold his leg and is being carried to the back
#10 Big E
Big E & Xavier eliminated Sami Zayn
#11 John Morrison
Michael referred to him as Johnny Drip Drip. Even Corey said Micheal needs to stop
Ali eliminated Xavier Woods
Big E Eliminated Ali
#12 Ricochet who lost his qualifier match for the RoyalRumblee
Elias eliminated Carlito. I agree with the commentators, that was not cool.
#14 Damien Priest
Damien Priest eliminated Elias
#15 The Miz
He smashed Bad Bunny's audio set in a fit of petty rage
Bad Bunny came out to distract Miz & Morrison who were running wild. They got eliminated by Damien Priest
#16 Matt Riddle
Happy birthday Fit Finlay
#17 Daniel Bryan
#18 Kane who eliminated Dolph Ziggler & Richochet
Then he and Daniel Bryan Hugged
After he Chokeslammed everyone
Damien Priest eliminated Kane
#19 King Corbin who eliminated Nakamura (boooooooooo!) That was bullshit
He also eliminated Otis who was #20
Happy Birthday Giant Gonzales who eliminated Undertaker in this same match before I was born
#21 Dominik Mysterio who eliminated Corbin
Cole said this was a great year for Domimik. A lie
#22 Bobby Lashley who Micheal identified before he came out. Could have been Cedric, MVP or Shelton
He Eliminated Damien Priest & Dominik. Mysterio
#23 The Hurricane
Who got eliminated By Lashley & Big E
after 30 seconds
#24 Christian (This was a good surprise)
He and 3 other babyfaces eliminated Bobby Lashley
Teamed Up With Edge
#25 AJ Styles
Had a brief exchange with Christian.
TNA, TNA, TNA
#26 Rey Mysterio who apparently is the Brand Ambassador for Victoria Beer. Thanks for the plug Micheal Cole....Geek
Amos who's not in the Rumble eliminated Big E
Amos whos still not a legal participant eliminated Rey Mysterio
Teased reuniting and teaming with Sheamus (The Bar) but didn't
#29 Seth Rollins
#30 Braun Strowman who eliminated Cesaro and Sheamus and AJ
Seth Eliminated Daniel Bryan
Seth eliminated Riddle
They have legit shoot heat
Seth Eliminated Christian and Braun who was eliminated by Edge. Randy Orton miraculously recovered and got eliminated by Edge
This was an awesome series of events
Edge who already is in the Hall Of Fame joins Stone Cold Steve Austin in being a 3 time Royal Rumble Winner
He is also the third person alongside Chris Benoit & HBK to go coast to coast and win from being number 1
He is also the 5th person joining Rey Mysterio & Vince McMahon to start the match at 1 or 2 (the same thing really) and win.
This was great. Still would have been better if Edge was a surprise