It’s Tuesday and you know what that means. The set up in Daily’s Place is back to the usual pandemic setup of entrance tunnels on the stage and wrestlers acting as fans around ringside.
Also, who is reading the description of Dark that says "over 100 minutes of action” like that is a good idea?
Lance Archer defeated Zicky Dice (1:58)
Archer ate up the former NWA TV Champion like he was nothing, hitting a pair of short arm clotheslines, a chokeslam and Everybody Dies to win in short order. This was Dice's AEW debut.
Matt Hardy was in the bar with TH2 shooting the angle for the Christian Cage/Angelico match that has already been announced. They even went to the trouble of “swerving” us by shooting the angle like the match is Cage vs. Jack Evans...but it’s for Angelico. Now I swerved you!
Abadon defeated Willow Nightingale (3:37)
Ricky Starks joined the commentary team.
Abadon spat up some blood on the way to the ring, which in Florida is probably just a mild COVID case they don’t even count. Or, maybe it’s an ulcer. Anyway, this was another squash. Abadon no-sold a cannonball from Nightingale and bit her way out of a submission hold before hitting Nightingale with an inverted DDT (using the crook of her leg to drive her head into the mat) for the win.
Cezar Bononi (w/ The Wingmen) defeated Cyrus (4:54)
Thumbs In The Middle Pointing Up
The Wingmen are the jobbiest bunch of jobbers that ever did job. Cyrus, making his AEW debut, is a big dude with a bunch of tattoos that kind of looks like Vader or Bam Bam Bigelow. He sent Bononi to the floor with a body block. When Ryan Nemeth went for a running crossbody on Cyrus, Nemeth bounced off him and hit the floor. Bononi got the advantage after a top rope crossbody, but his offense is pretty much nothing. Cyrus came back with a hanging tree slam and an avalanche in the corner. Cyrus went for a moonsault, but missed. Seriously, this guy is huge and he’s missing a moonsault in a nothing Dark match nobody’s watching? Bononi hit the worst Olympic Slam possible ever for the pin. The wrong guy went over here.
Angelico defeated Matthew Justice (3:51)
The TH2 music plays Angelico out to the ring so the d-bag dance was in full effect. I love it. This was Justice's AEW debut.
Less than a minute in, Justice got an early advantage and went for a crossbody off the top rope to the floor. He completely missed and crashed into the barricade. That’s not going to impress anyone. In the ring, Angelico dominated. Justice escaped a couple Navarro Death Roll attempts. He got a back body drop and then went right to the top for a frog splash that missed. Angelico locked in another Death Roll attempt to get the submission. Justice tried to get over here by crashing into things instead of wrestling which didn’t work for me.
Tay Conti (w/ -1) defeated Natalia Markova (4:28)
Tay has gotten so many of the little things down like facial expressions, taunts and playing to the crowd. When the fight went to the floor, Markova got the advantage with a front face lock and some forearms. But she was like the proverbial dog who caught its tail and didn't know what to do with it. A spinning facebuster got Markova a near fall. The two exchanged boo/yay forearms and Conti won the exchange followed by a series of judo throws and a pump kick in the corner. Conti followed it up with a boot in the corner, finishing Markova with the DDTay. Post match, -1 and Conti celebrated with a hug in the ring.
Chaos Project defeated JP and Tommy Daily (5:42)
Serpentico jumped both guys before the bell. There’s no universe where Chaos Project should be winning matches. Tommy got worked over by Chaos Project for the bulk of the match, but got a near fall with a crucifix into a sunset flip for a near fall. Luther came back in the ring and made me regret 33 years of wrestling fandom. Tommy backdropped his way out of a piledriver attempt from Serpentico and got the tag to JP. He hit a springboard back elbow to Serpentico for a near fall, but the comeback didn’t last for the Daily Brothers as Creeping Death finished off Tommy.
-- Joey Janela cut another promo with Alex Marvez about "The Bad Boy Summer." Marvez looked pretty depraved describing “jugs and jugs and jugs of milk” he and Janela saw last week on South Beach. Sonny Kiss asked Janela to be in his corner for their match later and Janela agreed but it’s a swerve! Jalena and Marvez are going to the “Nip Factory” instead. “Why do they call it the Nip Factory?” Oh boy.
Marko Stunt defeated Ariel Dominguez (3:22)
They finally found someone smaller than Stunt for him to wrestle. Stunt got a bodyslam and celebrated like he just won the AEW World title and now I’ve just realized Kenny Omega needs to squash Stunt in the lead-up to the match with Jungle Boy. On commentary, Taz informed us that most people who are vertically challenged have anger issues. Stunt hit a clothesline and an Acid Drop for the win.
Aaron Solow (w/ QT Marshall & Nick Comoroto) defeated Sonny Kiss (without Joey Janela)
Kiss got a near fall after a standing moonsault and Marshall looked disappointed. He really does look like Tony Soprano if Soprano dropped about a hundred pounds. Solow hit the move that they’re definitely not going to call the Pedigree (even though it’s totally the Pedigree) for the win. I looked up synonyms for pedigree and they should call Solow’s finisher the "Bloodline."
Post match, Comoroto and Solow laid out Kiss while Marshall looked on approvingly like all those times Soprano got the envelopes from his captains.
Nyla Rose (w/ Vicki Guerrero) defeated Missa Kate (2:14)
Rose destroyed Kate and finished her with a chokeslam and the Beast Bomb.
QT Marshall defeated Bear Bronson (7:35)
Ricky Starks is back on commentary.
Marshall hit a nice spinning powerslam and a top rope elbow for a near fall. Bronson came back with some clotheslines and a spinebuster. Bronson hit a black hole slam for a near fall. Marshall came back with a backbreaker into a flatliner. Marshall missed his first diamond cutter attempt and Bronson then sat on him. He hit a senton for a near fall. Marshall hit an enziguri, thrust kick and a diamond cutter for the pin.
Thunder Rosa defeated Megan Bayne (4:02)
The commentators are teasing a Rosa and Britt Baker rematch for the Women’s title. Women fighting for championships is all well and good, but who is practicing voodoo and talking to a possessed doll? Bayne (from Athens, Greece) was much taller than Rosa, but Rosa wrestled a smart match around attacking her opponent’s legs. Rosa was never really in trouble and eventually got Bayne to tap out with an ankle lock.
Dark Order's Colt Cabana, 10 & Stu Grayson (w/ -1) defeated Dan Barry, Justin Law & Kit Sackett (3:55)
Evil Uno, usually a member of the Dark Order trios team getting the squash win on Dark, was not part of the team this week as he’s wrestling Miro for the TNT title Friday. So, he has his own funeral to plan.
Speaking of funerals, Cabana and Barry almost killed each other on a spinning headscissors spot and not in a good way. Grayson hit Barry with a senton from inside the ring to the apron. Law got the tag and ran right into a spinebuster from 10. Grayson then hit the Nightfall on Law who took the fall and balled to the wall. Post match, -1 shoved down referee Rick Knox to celebrate with the victorious Dark Order.
Big Swole and KiLynn King (w/ Red Velvet) defeated Sea Stars (Delmi Exo and Ashley Vox) (4:11)
Since Velvet wrestled on Friday night, we got the Swole/King team. I’m also pretty sure we’ve seen other versions of this match on Dark. King hit Vox with the Kingdom Falls for the win. The post-match dance party for Swole, King, and Velvet lasted as long as the match.
-- Tony Schiavone interviewed The Factory, minus Anthony Ogogo who is already too big a star for Dark.
Matt Sydal (w/ Mike Sydal) defeated Dante Martin (13:37)
Dante Martin might be the most brilliant 19-year-old I have ever seen wrestle. Everything he does is so smooth. Sydal caught Martin with a leglace and bridged into a neck vice, then tied Martin up with a bow and arrow. Sydal kept the match grounded because he couldn't keep up in the air with the spectacular Martin. Sydal hit a clothesline in the corner, followed up with charging knees for a near fall.
Sydal hit a cobra clutch leg sweep and transitioned into an inverted stretch muffler and then a cobra clutch on the mat, but Martin got the ropes. A standing mariposa got a one count because Martin rolled through into a crucifix which Sydal instantly kicked out of. Martin started to come back with body shots and then pancaked Sydal with an inverted side slam. Martin flipped over Sydal into a stunner for a two count.
A gamengiri and double jump moonsault from Martin got two. Sydal came back with a michinoku driver that looked absolutely devastating for two. Both guys missed knee strikes and collided going for cross bodyblocks. Martin hit a juicebox for two. Martin came off the middle ropes with a crossbody, but Sydal caught him with a leg lariat. Sydal went to the top, but Martin met him there. However, he got chopped back down by Sydal who hit a meteora from the top rope for another near fall.
Sydal rolled up Martin for two. He went for the lightning spiral, but Martin flattened out into his own cradle for two. Sydal hit a hook kick and another lightning spiral attempt got the win. This was a great match, but the wrong guy went over. After the match, they shook hands in a show of respect.
This was too long an episode of Dark, but it did have a great main event. Sydal vs. Martin was definitely the best Dark match I’ve seen in the six months of reviewing this show.